Only As Old As You Let Yourself Feel

 

Why would anyone want to act your age?  I’m 50.  Who the hell wants to act 50? 

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately.

I have t-shirts referencing Star Blazers, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, etc.  You don’t see a lot of old heads rocking that look.  

A good dick joke is still hilarious. 

I am still into Dungeons & Dragons.  And have been playing without a significant hiatus since I was about twelve.

I spend more time on my Playstation than I should…and less than I want.  One of the coolest things I got this year was a statue of Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn.  You old guys will need to look that up.

I’m currently listening to a podcast of Wolverine: The Long Night, from Marvel.

Occasionally I consider all this stuff and wonder if it makes sense.  And a good bit of it does not.  But that is, I think, what keeps me coming back to it all.  All those things above keeps the twelve-year-old inside me alive and kicking.  Some things just won’t allow the over serious adult in you to take charge.  Try sitting around a table with friends you’ve known for years and NOT laugh when one of them farts.  Of course it’s stupid but damn is it funny.  Because it was funny when I was twelve, and twenty, and thirty-seven.

When we get together to play D&D, the trappings are more adult these days.  We sit around a large table, eat a well-cooked meal, and have a cup of coffee or two throughout the evening, and may chat about kids or work.  That is instead of huddling over a small chest, eating nothing but red hots and caramel cremes, and drinking liter upon liter of Coke while chatting about how stupid school was that day.  But my inner self time travels to 1981, every time, regardless of where or when we play.

If I’m wearing my Yamato t-shirt and walk by a mirror, I may momentarily think it looks odd on so old a dude.  But that is immediately replaced by, “Fuck it, I like that ship.”  What would I rather be wearing, a plaid short sleeved button down with a white shirt?  Kill me.

I hold on to this list of childish things because they’re silly, and fun.  You know I also enjoy a good Ashton and some Bombay.  They are a whole different kind of fun, but life would not be nearly as interesting with just that part.  There is a time and place, but don’t act your age all the time.  Don’t be that fifty-year-old that my teenage self looks at with just a bit of disdain.  Do not go quietly….nope.

 

Parents Know Best?

 

I have learned a very long list of things by raising two kids.  I can't say it was unexpected, but some of them came as a surprise.  One that I've come to realize recently is that it's OK to stray from accepted preconceived paths or ideas.  

 As I grew up the accepted norm was school, college, white collar.  Pretty straight forward.  I always enjoyed being at school, but not so much the actual schooling.  But since I never really considered a different path, I soldiered forth as needed...to a point.

My two, now teenage, boys as so similar in many ways and SO, SO unique as well.  That was weird to get used to at first, but I grew to relish it.  The older is following what I'd consider the more traditional path that I assumed to be on at his age.  He was very studious in high school, is now attending college, studying engineering, and knows that is what he'd like to move into after getting his degree.

The curve ball here is my younger son.  He is very creative and intelligent, which is to be expected...cause, let's face it, look at his dad.  However, he is not a lover of school, doesn't necessarily want to attend college, and is still scanning the horizon for that inspiration of what to do "when he grows up."  It took some getting used to, but I have found that I'm completely OK with all that. 

It was a very hard thing to step back and let one of my kids choose the path that I feel like I would never have considered for myself or for him.  But I think the lesson is very well learned.  He has taken a bit of control of where he wants to go, and I feel like he'll be happier and more prosperous in the end for doing it.

As parents, as flexible and cool as we all think we are, the urge to get the kids on a familiar path is nearly overwhelming.  It's been drilled into all of us that there is a safe, effective, and normal way to grow up and into and career.  At fifty, I am finally and truly comfortable with the fact that that does not need to be the case. 

And maybe more importantly, I am proud that he has had the courage to not toe the line.  I know it's not scaling Everest, but to a teenager it is a daunting task to not follow the herd.  The herd is comfortable but not always right.  Take the path less travelled (yep) if it calls to you, and do what will lay out your best future. That could make all the difference.

 

 

Just Enough Rope

Today as I enjoy a particularly spicy Monte Cristo on the deck my thoughts have once again turned to my boys.  My oldest is now in high school.  He is very involved...soccer, track, French club, science league...you get the picture.  I couldn't be more proud that he is taking on so many things; becoming such a well rounded young man.  He is having some level of success in each of his endeavors and enjoying himself.

However, and there's always a however, there is growing contention about the flow of information. He seems to either be only getting half of all the information he needs, or forgets half of it when it's time to relay it to us.  Either way, it is increasingly frustrating.

When we notice that this is happening, we press for more details. He doesn't have them or seems put off by our "nagging".  Of course, we want him to be as prepared for whatever as possible, and to be as successful as possible.  I'm sure he appreciates this, but he is that age where he perceives it as meddlesome.  He can do it on his own and thinks he feels the weight of our parental blanket.  Ah, teenagers.

Well, we've come to a conclusion.  There will be no more nagging from mom and dad.  He is growing up and until asked, we will let him chart his own course.  No more reminders about workouts, project preparation, or team requirements.  Ok kid, you're on your own.

As you know, we will not let him get too deep under the coming tide, but wants some room.  He gets it.   Oh sure, we will keep an eye on things.  But I am getting more enjoyment than I should watching him wonder what is next, what is due, what is needed.

It actually feels pretty good.  He's growing up and genuinely wants to tend more to his own garden.  Hs mom and I will be there when the weeds get too thick, but it's an exciting season when as he drives the tractor more on his own.   OK, I admit I took that farming metaphor a step too far.

One of the hardest things we parents can do is give the young ones the requested rope.  But it makes me feel good to have a saving stool at the ready...if requested.

RALSTON HAS SPOKEN

They Remember

This week a dear family friend lost his grandmother.  My oldest son's longest tenured friend had to go through something that Maxwell experienced nearly two years ago.  A horrific sudden illness took our friends grandmother.  The family, and the massive community that she touched daily, was rightfully devastated.

Through the few weeks that Maxwell's friend went through this,  I know they talked, but never really came up about what...normal teen boy stuff, I would assume.  However, when she did pass, Maxwell sent his buddy a rather lengthy note.  I haven't read it and probably never will...it is theirs to share alone...but he did tell me that he needed to make sure his friend knew that he was not alone.  That he had an empathetic ear if needed.

Then, surprisingly, he asked us if he could go to the viewing.  I was shocked.  But, I was also very proud of him.  I don't know many kids his age that would even want to go to a thing like that, let alone make the request before being asked.

We went.  When he greeted his friend's grandfather in front of his wife's casket, he wept.  Until then he had been stoic as I think he learned from his entirely too compassionate father (wink, wink).  He broke down even more when he shook the hand of his friend's dad, who he has known for years as a friend, coach, and all around good guy.  And yet even more when he made it down the line to his friend.  They greeted each other, and even though not much at all was said...could be said...I think that the substance of the note Maxwell had sent issued forth in emotion only.

They say time heals all wounds.  I guess there is truth in that.  But I think it's more true that time only covers some of them very, very well.  Sometimes it takes just a nudge to snatch off the bandage and let the blood flow a bit.

In a way I was proud of my son to let his wound come bare a little.   I think his friend may have an easier time getting through this because of it.  Our kids remember, and the memory is deeper feelings than we, er I, would have thought.

Just when I think they may be growing up just like their pop, my boys go and show something that proves otherwise.  I couldn't be happier.

RALSTON HAS SPOKEN