Stay Vigilant, My Friends

I realized something this week.  Kids are weasels.  I mean that in the most loving way possible, but make no mistake; they can be sneaky little rodents.  After haranguing my sons into spending more than 10 seconds brushing their teeth it finally dawned on me that even great kids like my boys will get away with whatever they can, whenever they can.  They know teeth need to be brushed, they know it’s part of their daily routine since they started having a daily routine many years ago.  And yet there is slacking off whenever a watchful eye is focused elsewhere.

It doesn’t stop at chores, either.  I see it even when they are doing something they like.  There’s always a shortcut to be found, a corner to be cut.  Recently, while coaching a soccer game I noticed some of the team walking during a pre-game lap around the field.  Not all kids like running laps, but since it’s been part of our warm up since day one you’d think they would stay part of the team and hoof it.  Nope.  When I questioned them about why they walked the last half one of the boys actually said, “It looked like you were just talking to the other coach.”  WHAT!?!  That kid sat the first quarter.

The point is that as parents, there is an ever watchful attention that need be paid whenever the kiddies are given a task.  I don’t like it.  And I strive to teach my guys the independence and responsibility so that I feel comfortable not having to be the all seeing eye.  Thankfully they are learning the lesson well, but still have some lapses.

There is a saying, “Give them and inch and they’ll take a mile.”  This could not apply more to our young ones.  And I think it ties in a bit to a previous article of mine (Hammer Away, My Friends, 03/18/2011) about not being afraid to stay on top of the kids.  There are many reasons that I expect a lot from my kids.  Just one of them is that I have come to know that if I don’t, then the bar will continually slip.  Not just from my perspective, but from there’s as well.  As the parent, if I don’t establish lofty goals while teaching them why and how to do it themselves, who will?  The kids?  Hardly.  We hammer away at chores, goals, whatever, to an extent that may (to the hammeries) seem unattainable.  But in doing so we nudge them into getting to levels that we expect and that we know they can achieve.

Thankfully I am starting to see the fruits of my pestering labor.  The frequency of prodding and reminding does seem to be diminishing.  There are still plenty of areas in which I find that is a constant tug of war between how much is enough and how much they can get away with, but the light at the end of the tunnel is expanding.

So the moral of this tale is to keep up your pestering.  The kids will roll their eyes, and they will push back.  But in the long run, they’ll be better for it.  You will have the satisfaction that they know what it takes to get a job done, what it takes to do more than just expected, and what it takes to truly excel.

Coming Into Their Own

There comes a point in every kid’s life when they stop wanting to be a superhero for a living and start to really figure out what career path they may eventually want to pursue.  Personally, I still have my fingers crossed for that freak accident that will give me telekinetic powers.  For those rooted in the real world, interests will start to form and an actual life path will take shape.

My boys are only 10 and 12, but I’m already starting to see that they are developing interests that may very well stick with them for a long time.  I’m not delusional enough to think that what they say they want to do now will always be, but it’s interesting to watch them formulate such long term plans.

I know perspective is everything, so considering that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up it’s no secret that I find this fascinating.  If you are one of those people that have always known what you wanted and what career you wanted and actually have that, then you may want to come back next week for my next rant.  However, as I watch my sons develop interests and become their own young men I sit back and smile sometimes.  I wonder if they will really be a scientist (nothing specific yet) or a game designer.  There are a lot of years between now and decision time, but you never know.

It’s a fantastic and scary thing to experience your child growing away from you.  I am absolutely riveted by their interests, and involve myself in my kid’s hobbies, but I’d be blink to think they aren’t already starting to expand from beneath my parental umbrella.  They are better than I am…and you know I can’t say that about too many.  They are considering things that I know I did not when I was 12.  They are level headed, caring and intelligent.  I assume they get most of that from their mom.

Let’s take my 10 year old.  He’s decided to be a game designer.  I know every kid wants to make video games at some point, but he seems pretty serious about it so far.  Last night he gave me the resume of Todd Howard.  Don’t know Todd Howard?  I didn’t either.  Mr. Howard is a Producer and Senior Game Designer for Bethesda Game Studios.  Todd even made it onto Shaun’s (that my 10 year old) school project as someone who inspires him.  Bethesda has some games coming out soon that intrigue him, to say the least, and he has made it his mission to know how they make them.  From the art to programming to storytelling, he’s been all-in for months.  I know that the chances are slim that this will stick, but I truly hope it does.  I want that creative part of his brain to win.  It would be a pleasure to see him spend his life doing what he loves – not what he winds up with.

By this time, you may be asking, “Pete, that’s all very interesting.  But really, what are you trying to say here?  What’s the point?”  HA!  You were expecting a point to this?  Well, I suppose just that it's wonderful to see my children begin to mature enough to know there is a real world out there and that they may have a part in it.  More so, that they have a choice in how to be part of the world.  PPS; that it’s something that they will be able to decide, free of external bias and pressures.  And when the day comes that they will start down a more concrete path, they will be well equipped.

Is It Really Worth The Trip?

Every summer thousands of people flock to the shore.  Every Memorial Day, Fourth of July and Labor Day they load up the family truckster and head to the beach.  All through the heat of May – Sept, there is a steady stream of vacationers, day trippers and sun worshippers.  They go to brush sand from their feet, eat expensive substandard boardwalk pizza, smack at attacking greenheads and sit in traffic.

I don’t get it.  Although I have spent time on the beach throughout my life, I’ve never really gotten the allure.  I actually think I’m in the minority on this one, but that doesn’t make me scratch my head any less.  It’s been almost two years since I’ve been on a beach for more than an hour, and I’m just fine with that.

Everything like this is tainted by perspective or maybe tolerance, and I think I’m lucky enough to not really need an escape (most of the time).  However, that doesn’t lessen my wonderment about the draw of lying on a crowded patch of dirt while salt from the water and blowing sand borrows into all possible crevices.  Depending on the town you visit, this salty dirt is actually so closely packed with blankets, towels and giant umbrellas that it’s virtually impossible to walk through.  Really?  I don’t like people enough to walk through a mall for a half hour.  Why in Hell would I want to spend my day sweating in the sun two feet from strangers on all sides?

“But Pete, we love to frolic in the surf.  It’s so refreshing and fun.”  Bite me.  Refreshing…maybe.  The average water temp in Atlantic City this past summer was under 70 deg.  Folks, that’s just plain cold.  I don’t shy away from chilly water too often, but that doesn’t sound too enjoyable.  And the surf, come on.  Being in the water shouldn’t need to be so much work.  Isn’t being constantly bludgeoned by unstoppable walls of water just one sign that Mother Nature doesn’t want you in her water?  How about sharks, jellyfish, rip tides?  I can’t believe you can even go near the ocean without signing a waiver of liability.  And on top of all that, at least in New Jersey, you have to PAY for the privilege.  I know that falls under a different heading of complaint, but it’s just one more reason for my disdain.

It seems the growing bane of my existence is traffic.  Living in the most densely populated state comes with the caveat of having to sit in traffic now and then.  However, I don’t think it needs to be a prerequisite for spending leisure time.  I fight the river of cars enough commuting to work.  There is generally some traffic backup at any time and place when I’m heading out of the house, but there’s always the chance I could get lucky and reach my destination without it.  Unfortunately, going to the shore at virtually any time ensures a stint in automotive hell.  Nothing like starting a “relaxing” day by sitting still on the Expressway for an hour.  And I like only 40 miles from the ocean.  Anyone making the trip from beyond that is just insane…my opinion, of course.

So you’ve decided not to heed my advice.  You made the arduous trek and find yourself in one of the shore towns.  Now you only have to contend with hundreds of yards of scalding hot dirt.  You heard right.  Time to broil your feet on sand that had been baking in the sun all day while you find that perfect spot on which to lay your blanket (so you don’t have to touch the dirt), put up your massive umbrella (so you don’t have to have the sun beat on you), get your cooler situated (so you don’t have to go far for a drink) and maybe unfold your beach chair (see above about touching the dirt).  Sounds like you just did your best to set up your living room, but at an inconvenient spot miles from home. 

Enjoy your summer going to and from the beach.  I’m sure you will.  I shall opt to stay at home, hanging on my deck with some gin and a Cohiba.  If it gets hot, I’ll walk the ten feet to my fridge and get a drink and a freeze pop and hang out in the AC for a few minutes.

Don't Suck! It's Not Fair to the Kids.

Currently I’m the head coach of my ten year old son’s soccer team.  We’re having a great time so far, and I think the boys are learning a lot.  Yeah, I’m a good coach.  One of the team moms is my assistant, and she is great as well.  The league has been practicing for about two weeks in preparation for the upcoming season.  Before that was the league draft, where all the coaches got together and picked our teams for the year.  There is a lot of time and energy being spent by the parents to get the season rolling and manage the teams and league.  This happens all over, every season for every sport.  Hundreds of people volunteer their time so the kids can have sports/clubs/activities in which to participate.

Throughout my time as a volunteer coach I’ve encountered a complete gambit of adults who also are putting in their time.  Most are good people, with good intentions.  Some are great.  Some just plain suck. 

I wonder sometimes about the (mostly) men that are either obviously in over their heads, are just not good at coaching, or are outright abrasive and disruptive to the kids.  I used to think there needs to be someone who can step in and stop these dolts from being in charge of a team of young kids.  But then I’d think, we’ll at least they had the heart to say yes when asked to coach.  They agreed to give up their time when most others said no.  That held a lot of water for me for a long time.  But no longer.

It’s NOT enough to give of your time.  If you’re not good at it, please stay away.  Volunteerism is a wonderful thing, and I applaud someone who wants to give of themselves in some capacity.  But you need to know in what capacity that should be. 

I’ll use my son’s lacrosse coach from last season as an example.  It’s my understanding, and confirmed by several others that are closer to him, that this man has been banned from coaching two other sports in our town.  WHAT!?!  Then who is the puckered ass who put this man in charge of a youth lacrosse team??  As I, and other parents watched the team “progress” through the season more and more of asked each other if we knew much about the coach.  It turned out that most of us did not.  Suffice it to say that the coach was an unmitigated dickhead.  On the first day of practice, I introduced myself and offered to help the team in any way needed.  He said “Great,” and walked away.  That was the only word he spoke to me for sixteen weeks.  Dickhead.  This was a team of 10-11 year old boys, most of which had never played the sport before.  We watched as he yelled, stomped, demanded and generally taught the boys…well, I’m not sure what he taught them.  I think the only reason we didn’t speak up is that we were all new to the sport as well and thought maybe that’s how you coach lacrosse.  It was bad enough that my son, and several other boys, said they would play again next season if he was planning to coach the team.  Oh well, we’re done with him now.

I hope that illustrates my point that just because you are “generous” enough to accept a volunteer position doesn’t mean that you’re good enough.  Don’t get caught up in smelling your own shit.  Nobody thinks they are bad at coaching a youth team.  But guess what, SOME OF YOU SUCK!!  It doesn’t take too much of a genius to look around at others in comparison to yourself and realize, “Wow, those guys are WAY better at this than I am.  Maybe I should rethink this position.”  Now, that’s a terribly hard pill to swallow.  I’m not sure I could do it.  Of course, the point is moot since I’m generally pretty great at stuff.

So, fair readers, especially you with children…when you look around town at the folks involved in your children’s activities, don’t let them off the hook too easily.  I know it’s nice that they want to help, but that shouldn’t be the end all.  Always remember, just because someone can do something (or says they want to) does not always mean that they should do that thing.  If you are going to volunteer to be involved, then BE involved.  Take some time to learn about what you will be doing, and do it well…better than well…because the youngsters (and their parents) you will be in charge of are looking to you for guidance and support.  Your time is not enough.  A little bit of your soul should get in involved as well.