Han Solo Said It Best

      "It's not my fault."  Those immortal words from Han Solo.  But that’s where it should end.  I’m sick to death of the deterioration of accountability and responsibility.  Has the specter of a mistake become so grim that we no longer can own up to our actions?  Well, that’s crap, I say!  And I don’t want to hear about our over litigious society.  I know about it and I don’t care…nay, WON’T care.  I am perfectly comfortable making decisions for myself and my family and will accept any and all consequences that come my way because of them.

     Let’s face it.  There are things that will be out of our control.  But for everything else, there should be personal choice.  At every turn, every day, I see and hear excuses being made for every little thing that goes wrong in someone’s life.  That’s not to say that outside forces can’t sweep in and turn things to shit, but let’s all try to recognize that and do what we can otherwise.

     I’m not sure where it starts…home, school, work?  Do we begin this cycle at home so mom and dad won’t yell at us?  Understandable since parents can be (at times, should be) pretty scary when you’re four.  Do we begin at school to avoid disappointment from teachers?  Less understandable in my book.  I never wanted to disappoint anyone in school, but should we have been taught to do our best and damn the results?  I know I was always told that, and I pass that along to my kids daily.  Do we start when we enter the workforce so that we can keep our jobs and make a better living?  Well, what kind of living is that – always being in fear of admonishment or scrutiny?  Shouldn’t we do our jobs as we see them, to the best of our abilities, and if the boss doesn’t like it then move on?  This one’s a bit tougher to rail against, but I think you get my point.

     Our entire society is so over the top about this that we’ve actually given over larger and larger chunks of our decision making to our elected officials.  I don’t think that is such a hot idea.  I vote in every election, and hope that you do as well, but I don’t really know the people we put in office.  I’m OK with them keeping things from falling down around us, sort of have to be since it’s the only system we have at the moment, but I’ll be damned if I ever relax enough to be happy about them dictating personal choices for me. 

     Helmet and seatbelt laws are just the beginning.  Of course they are both great, life saving protections, and use them every day.  BUT IT SHOULD BE MY CHOICE!  But what if I get hurt because I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt?  My fault…MINE.  I know this could open a can of worms, but consider this.  What happens if you receive and injury because you were wearing a seat belt?  Does the government own up since they make you wear it?  Hell, no.          

     There’s a great saying, “It’s easier to ask for forgiveness, than it is to get permission.”  I’ve taken this to heart.  I’m a very smart, and mostly sensible man.  So when I decide that something can/could/should be done the way I see it, then I do it.  Sometimes that goes horribly and inconceivably wrong.   And when it does, it's my fault, and I’ll be the first to say so.  Every so often there are terrible, sometime life changing consequences to those decisions.  But that’s the way I’d want it.  My choice, my sentence.

     It all comes to this.  Stop bitching and stand up for yourself.  You are nothing but weak if you let policy makers keep taking decisions out of your hands.  Why do we stand for it?  Accepting it does nothing but show that you are incapable of making your own decisions and that you like it that way.

That is all.

Ralston has spoken

Ew, Gross...or....Oooo, Gross!

We’ve all been hurt performing in some way or another.  It may have been in sports, climbing a tree, or just horsing around with friends.  But the risk reward ratio is darn near always in the favor of the adventurous.  The kids may learn not to do that again.  Or better yet, learn to do it better.  Without risking anything, there will be no gain of which to be proud.  Don’t always take the safe road.  Let your youngster delve into the unknown or unchallenged once in a while.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised at what they can do, and what they have figured out, all on their own.

Another thing that has caught my eye is the use, or overuse, of various types of hand sanitizer.  Yeah, it probably is a good idea to try to keep clean when you can.  But I also think there is something to be said for letting little bodies get dirty once in a while.  Hypothetically let’s compare the two extremes.  First, a child allowed to have a little of the world stay in contact with him for a time.  And second, a child who lives essentially in a bubble; never letting germs linger even the slightest amount.  What happens when the first kid goes a little longer than expected before having the opportunity to have a good cleaning?  Most likely nothing more than needing to spend a little extra time in a bath.  But that second child?  Could be in for a world of rashes, sickness, and probably whining that he’s dirty.  Speaking as the world's foremost immunologist, I can tell you that our immune systems need to develop.  Just like anything, they need to be excersized.  The less they do, the less they'll be able to do.

Let’s let our kids pet a farm animal, get buried in a sandbox, touch a public playground, or help us prepare a meal without reacting like they were just exposed to pure evil.  You’ll be surprised how it impacts their general fortitude.  I’m not suggesting making a habit out of meals consisting of raw pork and chicken.  But we need to make accommodations to let young constitutions fortify themselves against the world.  A person left with a horribly weak immune system from being overly sheltered his whole childhood will have trouble his entire life, whereas someone being given the physical latitude to deal with a little germ intrusion now and then will have a much easier time fending off the viruses that we all come in contact with daily.

You’re probably getting to know that I’m uncomfortable with public policy dictating how we rear our kids.  I’ve recently seen evidence of this in places that impact our children’s health…or seem to in the eyes of people other than my kid’s parents.  We went to a local farm where they sell locally grown fruits and vegetables.  At this little farm they have an area where the patrons can get up close to a couple cows and goats, some sheep and a pony, as well as smaller animals like rabbits and chickens.  In the past we were able to pet the animals – well, not the chickens; chickens are just mean – and even feed them some oats that are provided.  On our last trip we found a tall fence was built around the animal’s pens with several feet separating the two, thereby turning the area into a tiny little prison compound.  At every pen there was a small pvc tube through both fences in which we could drop some of the food pellets for the animals.  Next to each tube was a massive dispenser of, you guessed it, hand sanitizer.

Well, this was just a fine kettle of fish…to which we’d probably not be allowed to get near.  Now, not only could we NOT touch the animals (something we and they seemed to enjoy equally) but now we were encouraged to constantly clean ourselves after NOT getting them dirty.  I ask you, what madness is this?  Are even farms becoming so sanitary that the stuff of their very livelihood is off limits?  My grandfather owned a small “farm” (read: a small suburban plot on which to grow vegetables and have an animal now and then), on which I spent a good portion of my childhood.  There were constantly crops to tend and animals to feed or just generally interact with.  It’s becoming increasingly difficult to find places like that for my kids to even see.

Are the days gone when it was possible for a youngster to go feed a chicken (still not that nice, but not completely a cockatrice) or stand of the fence of a pig sty and hang out with the swine for a while as they snuffle in the mud?  I love to see my kids in the backyard try to sneak close to a chipmunk in order to toss it a cracker, or hold a piece of bread for a duck at the local lake.  Too many parents these days would shudder at the thought of such interaction.  Heaven forbid little Johnny come in contact with something that has more, or less, legs than him.  It might have a germ!

Manditory Bubblewrap - part 2

Whether I agree with it or not, I’m sure this whole helmet thing started as an idea with its heart in the right place.  Kids’ noggins are protected, if not their/our constitutional rights, but that’s only where it starts.  It ends, or at least continues, with little leaguers being forced to wear a helmet while playing certain positions other than catcher.  I can’t image seeing a catcher squatting behind the plate without all the gear that they normally wear.  Taking a 90 mph fastball to the cranium or the sternum would really ruin your day.  While no eight year old is going to be throwing 90 any time soon, proportionally the catcher would be just as hurt. 

On to the boy playing first base.  It may or may not be state or country wide, but there are leagues that now mandate that the first baseman wear a helmet, and sometimes a helmet with a face mask as well.  Isn’t that just fantastic?  I get the urge go back to my bike riding plate armor.  We actually ask that a kid wear protective gear because we’re scared he might get hit with a thrown ball.  Are you kidding me?!?  I have a radical idea.  Teach the kids to catch before they actually take the field and there will be no need for them to use their teeth instead of a glove.  Oh, here’s another brilliant thought…if there is a kid on the team that is so bad with a glove that they need Kevlar to take the field…then maybe that child is NOT ready to play.  I know that violates every tenet of the current sporting atmosphere, but it’s the truth.  Little Johnny might just suck, and you’re going to have to deal with it.  He might need another year or two before he’s ready to get into sports, or at least this sport, or at least that position.

        By the way, this happened to also apply to the pitcher on my younger son’s team.  Thankfully it was just the coach’s decision, not a league mandate.  However, he came to the conclusion that his pitchers should also wear a helmet.  One day he was throwing batting practice to the team.  One of the better hitters came up and smacked a line drive that narrowly missed him.  “Him” being the coach.  It was that near miss…NEAR MISS…that prompted the thought, “Geez, the boys better wear a helmet when they pitch.  Someone could get hurt if they get hit by a ball.”  Just stop it.

While coaching first base this past season, I got hit in the left eye with a ball when a throw went wildly errant.  I actually spent an hour in the ER because of that little fiasco.  Should I wear a catcher’s mask before going near the field?  Actually, some of the other dad’s joked about me doing just that.  But if I had shown up like that, for any reason other than comic relief, I would have been a laughing stock.  And not because it’s funny to protect yourself from injury, but rather because it is a ridiculous extreme.  I wouldn’t do it, no adult would.  So why do we feel the urge to force the kids to do it when they are participating in the exact same activity at their own speed and skill level?

I can hear it now.  “But what if Johnny gets hurt?  What if he does take one to the skull and it drops him like a rock?”  My answer is simple.  So what.  Let’s face it; there is a chance that a real injury could occur.  There is that very small chance that something significant could get broken while playing these games.  But there is no real way around that at any level.  Where do we draw the line?  In a baseball game, someone rounding second base trips on the bag and breaks an ankle.  Should we get rid of the bases and just draw them in the sand?  A soccer goalie takes a shot to the face and breaks his nose or loses a tooth.  Do we make him wear a helmet, too?  That would really improve his game.  A little girl clunks her head on a balance beam when she tries a flip for the first time and winds up with stitches across her forehead.  Time to eradicate that as well.  Better to just have them walk back and forth on some duct tape laid down on a soft mat.  Wow, that will really do wonders for their confidence and development.

      While I’m on baseball…my older son also plays ball in the spring.  Thankfully, at his age, they’ve done away with helmet rules.  However, there is something that does make me cringe…of course.   Like all fields that I know of, his home field has an on deck circle.  Unlike all fields that I know of, his home field has an on deck circle that is at the end of the dugout and located inside a cage.  Stunning.   God forbid they stand near to the coach, who is always outside the dugout, and take a few cuts.  They may actually have to pay attention in order to not get hit with a foul ball.  That might actually help a bit to keep their heads in the game a little more.  That might actually let them get a better feel for the pitcher they are about to face.  That might actually warm up properly with a few full swings.  Nah, forget all that.  It’s clearly much better to make them stand in a small chain link cage, leaning on their bat, and watching from a distance. 

Phew.  I'd continue, but rational thought is being sucked away by my ranting.  In need to go lay down for a while.  See you next week....

Manditory Bubblewrap - part 1

About now, you must be thinking, “What an arrogant ass this guy is.”  And truly I may be, but not about parenting.  I do not profess to be the best parent in the world, and even frequently question the decisions I make when it comes to my kids.  But maybe that’s a good thing.  Maybe that’s what keeps me in check.  When I start thinking that I’ve got it all figured out, that’s when I’ll start to misjudge the ones I’m raising.   That would be a travesty considering that I already think that most kids are being transformed into over-dependant wienies.

This is not a text that will profess how to make anyone a better parent.  And since I believe that each of us needs to raise our children how we best see fit, that really would be folly.  But within the scope of individual parenting techniques, there are some things that need addressing.  That’s where I come in.  Sort of a glass of cold water in the face.  Generations are going to depend on America’s kids being able to exist and thrive without the ever present umbrella of Big Parent.

This also extends to the choices that are made regarding our kids, but made by others.  First on my list are helmet laws.  I don’t mean motorcycle helmets, although I’m thoroughly against those laws as well (freedom of choice, and all).  I’m talking about the government stepping in and saying that all kids have to wear a helmet when riding a bike.  Here is just part of the NJ law regarding bike helmets:

Title 39:4-10.1

In New Jersey, anyone under 17 years of age that rides a bicycle or is a passenger on a bicycle, or is towed as a passenger by a bicycle must wear a safety helmet.

Initial violators of the helmet law will receive warnings. For minors, the parent or legal guardian may be fined a maximum of $25 for the 1st offense and a maximum of $100 for subsequent offense(s), if lack of parental supervision contributed to the offense.

So, I’m going to be fined if I have a 14 year old that rides his bike a few blocks to go hang out with his friends.  What kind of message is that?  Frankly I don’t give a damn about the fine, but it’s the fact that Uncle Sam thinks they know better.  Hogwash!

Let me say that I actually believe that wearing a helmet is a pretty good idea.  I myself had a motorcycle for a time and I would never go near it without my helmet.  But what is deplorable is the total disregard for the freedom of choice.  You don’t want to wear a helmet?  So be it.  God help you if you hit a curb, or something larger.  But guess what?  IT SHOULD BE YOUR CHOICE!!  Sorry, that’s a bit off track….

It needs to be a parent’s choice whether children should cap their heads when biking.  If this decision is taken out of our hands, what’s next?  Regulation knee, elbow, hand, and shoulder pads?  Why not just invest in a suit of plate armor and send them on their way.  But then what happens in other areas of our lives where we need to choose?  More often than not, the more protective choice is made.   Sometimes that’s correct, but doesn’t need to be so.  It’s just another area where the road more traveled is taken and the kids psyche is smothered.  I can’t lay all the blame at the government’s feet, but it does contribute. 

There will be more on this next week...so stay tuned.