I am not, or ever have been, perfect. I'll take a moment to let you recover from that....
Way back when in school, brilliant as I may have been, I was not always the most studious. Sadly, there was a time when even subjects in which I was very interested could not hold my attention when forced to study them. I had athletic talent, but certainly did not apply myself as much as I should. The drive to overachieve is something on which I never really had a handle.
Also, knowing that hindsight is 20/20, I can see clearly now that even a modicum of application on my part may have alleviated one of my biggest "regrets".
An aside for a moment, if you please. I feel the need to explain that when pushed, I would assert that nothing in my past is truly a regret. I see how I could have done certain things differently, but dwelling on the “what if’s” is my road to mental torture. I do not believe in fate. I feel strongly that everything we do shapes the path of our lives and our current situation is whatever product comes from our history. I am quite happy. My boys are fantastic, I love my wife now as much as when we married fifteen years ago, and my circle of friends couldn’t be greater. My family in general is more than I have a right to ask. If my past was not as it was, then maybe my present would not be what it is, and maybe I wouldn’t be happy, maybe my kids wouldn’t be as special, etc. Maybe, maybe, maybe…but that’s all I have. So…
Recognizing this shortcoming, but liking the life that I have, is it right to attempt to make my kids have a childhood any different than mine? HELL YES!! But, that comes with some caveats. As adults, I think we can look back and see what our parents tried that did not work. We also need to be aware of why our parents made certain choices. I also know that I have absolutely wonderful parents. I always thought so. Even to this day I see them as mentors, friends and an example of how I’d like to live my life. However, I do think I can build on the great foundation that they created. I don’t know if I can improve on it, but my most important job as a parent is to try.
I see parts of me in both my boys. Most parts I love, 'cause there's a LOT about me to love. But there are times when I see bits of myself shining through that need squashing. Whenever one of them doesn’t want to do his homework I find myself bristling because I know to what path that leads. Whenever one of them slacks off at practice, more bristling. When they let required effort stifle some creative en devour, I cringe. When I realize they’ve been watching way too much TV on a sunny afternoon, bristling (unless it's something we're watching together - hehe). I bristle because I want them to be the super me. I think it’s because I also want to correct things about myself. I want to distill my shortcomings out of them. I want them to be perfect.
The most important thing in life is to be happy. I've always been told that and I've always believed it. Ultimately, that is everyone’s goal. The problem is that when you are growing up, the being happy part is a here and now thing and not a life goal. As an adult, I see overall happiness in a different light. To achieve it, there needs to be things incorporated into life that don’t always make us happy. Work (you may like your job, but you know what I mean), bills and time spent away from family are just a few, but we know they are only bits of life and not the entirety. We know that by enduring the bits that are not so wonderful, life for us and our family will be that much better overall.
About now you are asking, “So what the hell is your point?” Well, it’s this; be more thoughtful than you think you need to be when it comes to your kids. You think you’re doing the best job you can, and you may be. But when it comes right down to it, somtimes preparing them for life is what needs to take priority over their "here and now " happiness.
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