A Calmer Head Prevailed

On one hand, I love when my kids surprise me.  On the other hand, I think that my boys are well centered enough that I should expect whatever behavior that might surprise me.  How’s that for an opening?

Let me tell you a quick tale.  In a fit of what some might call irresponsible parenting, I recently found myself traveling about 50 mph on a jet ski.  The possibly irresponsible part is that at the time I had my 11 year old some clinging to me on the back of the jet ski.  We were zipping along in the bay, following my dad and older son who were on a second jet ski.

The sea was a little rough, but nothing about which to be really concerned.  We rounded a corner near some marshes where the water flattened out enticingly.  My son yelled into my ear, “Catch them, dad. Drown them in water and foam!”  Now that’s quite a statement.  Drown them in water and foam.  I swear sometimes that kid is meant to be a pirate.

Taking his cue, I punched it and blasted by our partner skiers; drenching them, of course, in water and foam.  My memory is a little foggy after that.  I think we turned too hard, maybe I slowed too fast, maybe a wave hit us broadside.  Regardless, the jet ski went right and we went left.

I’ve never fallen into the water going so fast.  It hurt.  I can only equate it to being hit in the chest with a bat.  The only thoughts I remember having as I hurdled through the air are, “Oh, god” and “Holy Shit, my son!”  Thankfully I popped up right next to him.  As I grabbed his life jacket to pull him toward me, he asked in a completely calm voice, “Dad, are you OK.”  My pain was immediately forgotten.  My eleven year old son, who just hit the bay at fifty miles per hour, was so composed that he was able to be concerned about me instead of the pain he must have felt.

My dad drove over to us and drug us through the water to our now idle machine.  I climbed aboard and yanked my son up behind me.  It was only then that he let himself feel some nerves.  He asked that we head in, and so I obliged.  We made our way through the choppy seas back to the house.  Only after we docked the small craft did he let himself cry.  I thought it was the adrenaline finally wearing off, but as it happened he had broken a toe on his left foot.

We went to the ER and found his toe was badly broken and displaced, having to be set twice.  Poor kid.  Throughout it all, I could only think about how calm and cool he was through it all; about how his concern was for me after the crash; about my pride in what a great young man he is becoming.  This has added yet another filter through which I look, judge, experience.  It is a filter I am all too happy to apply.  It lets me know that my boys have gained yet another plateau in their maturity.  Lets me feel good about how they will handle situations when I may not be there with them.  Feels pretty darn good.

RALSTON HAS SPOKEN

William Blake Said It Best?

What goal is lofty enough?  Is being part of a team, sharing in the successes and failures, reveling as part of the group what is best, even though the contribution may be limited?  Or is it to be an integral part, being the focus of the squad and knowing that you are held to the higher standard and expectations?

In general, we all know what is best in life.  It is to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and hear....sorry, I couldn't resist.

But to the point at hand.  The answer, even for me, is really not clear.  We all must choose our own level of satisfaction and come to grips with the memory of what that created.  I was a decent athlete in my youth, teetering on being something better.  Whether through lack of drive, complacency or just well developed sense of self, I found my self always in the upper middle class of sports teams.  I excelled, but never really took the next step to the higher level of whatever sport in which I was involved.  I wonder sometimes if I could have been good enough to get to the upper echelons of my sporting endeavors.  But I also know that I always had a tremendous amount of satisfaction from any that I tried.

I always found myself a counted on member of the team.  Someone that may not be the absolute best, but always to be turned to in a tough spot in order to push the team ahead.  I thrived in that role.  I enjoy that position in life in general.  So that is what my perspective is as I watch my sons develop on their athletic careers.  Win, lose or draw; good or bad; you're part of a team and you need to do what's best for the whole.  There's a Star Trek reference in there, but I don't want to upstage Conan above.

I see both in my boys.  One is happily climbing the ladder, getting better and having coaches take note.  The other is a good play, but lacks the instinct (or desire, I think) to really go for it.  They are both very happy to be a member of a team, but their approach to get what each want out of it differs significantly.  And that is what makes me wonder sometimes if there is a better path.

We all know there really is no better way.  We all know that as long as they are happy and thriving young adults in general, what they accomplish in youth sports is all but worthless.  It's the approach to it that I wonder about.  Will the lack of drive carry over into other/all areas of life?  Will the focus to succeed leave one without a well rounded outlook?  Not sure either way.  Perhaps I had a little too much of one and not enough of the other as I grew up.  Maybe this is one of the many things we see in our kids that we want to correct in ourselves.  Maybe this is one of the times where I need to step back just a little and watch what I can learn from how my kids handle something even though my memory of the same situation still leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.  With any luck an old dog can learn a new trick.

RALSTON HAS SPOKEN