You will NOT shoot your eye out...

To further illustrate a different aspect of my point, let me describe a situation that happened at my house recently.  It was a Saturday afternoon.  The weather was cool and clear.  I was sitting alone in the family room watching something on TV.  My two sons (ages 11 and 9) came downstairs from their rooms and walked passed me and through the door leading into the garage.  I didn’t think anything of it, except that I heard some sounds of rummaging.  Unfortunately, that’s not as uncommon as I’d like since I generally am terrible at keeping the garage (and other areas of the house) as organized as they should be.  After several minutes the boys emerged from the garage and went passed me again.  This time they were headed into the back yard.  Pretty mundane to this point, other than that they were each carrying a bow and several arrows.  They may have motioned to me on their way outside, but I don’t remember.  And I watched them leave but words were not exchanged. 

Not a minute later, my younger son came back inside and asked if we had an empty box.  Ebay had been slow, so I actually did have some empty shipping boxes lying around.  I mentioned there should be a couple on a shelf in the basement.   He trundled down the steps and came back quickly, dragging a large box behind him.  Soon after, the older one came in and dug through a drawer in the kitchen until he found something and went back outside.  I learned later that he was looking for a Sharpie. 

Of course, you know where this is all going.  The boys decided to take some target practice.  They found their bows and arrows, found a suitable target and drew a picture on the box that made it a little more interesting at which to shoot.  What many of you are gasping at, I’m sure, is the fact that I didn’t go with them, discuss at length the dangers of firing a weapon in the back yard, or at least ask them what they were up to.  Well boo hoo, I say.

The boys had received these implements of death as presents from their grandfather for their last birthdays.  They were, of course, excited to get such a wondrous thing.  It was something that shot a non-nerf tipped projectile.  Something that was real.  Something that they had never handled before.  Something that’s use had consequences.  Of course, they didn’t think about it so deeply.  Or maybe they did, but we only saw open mouths and smiles as they opened the packaging and rushed outside. 

At the first firing (and the next) I was with them.  There does need to be some explanation of such things.  How to knock the arrow properly, how to draw the bow, how to sight it, how to fire all come to mind.  But also, common sense and safety are the most important things.  AHA!!  You didn’t think I was going there, did you?  Well, I am not a buffoon.  We do need to lay the groundwork for some things for our kids.  We need to give them the skills needed to integrate knowledge of one thing into other areas of their lives.  Not shooting at your brother (or any other living thing) is one of those things. 

Now, all you hunters out there just bite your tongues.  This is not that forum.  But I will be relating that to something else later, so just be patient. 

Having them understand the gravity of what they were about to do was paramount in that situation.  But just as vital, was that they should understand that this wasn’t something that was beyond them.  There is no need to be paralyzed by trying something new.  And once I, as a parent, was at least moderately sure that they understood the lesson I wanted to impart, I stepped back a bit and let them have at it.  To be sure, I hung out with them and we all took turns shooting.  And I do still to this day because, let’s face it, shooting a bow and arrow can really be a lot of fun.  But I do not always have to be with them when they do it.  They were given the information they needed, and honestly I still hope it was enough.  They took a lot of care to begin with and grew comfortable with it.  They are still careful, but they grew into the activity and developed their own boundaries within the scope that I laid for them in those early sessions.

Back to that day they went passed me on the couch in silence.  Did I peek a couple times to see how they were doing?  Sure I did.  But it was as much out of curiosity of how their skill had progressed as anything else.  Were they doing anything they shouldn’t have?  Well, maybe.  I noticed at one point they were in their tree house, shooting across the yard at that box.  I had the urge to bark at them to get down.  I thought better of it, I think it was better.  I watched for several minutes in silence.  They were applying whatever I had taught them….don’t shoot at someone, the non-shooter should be behind the shooter, one arrow at a time, etc.  While I didn’t love what they were doing, other than to arbitrarily exert my parental muscle I could see no reason to stop them.  So I let them go.  I trusted that they would make good decisions.  I let them explore a new situation on their own.  And I have since seen evidence that this has aided them in dealing with their world.